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why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
*sighs* because the ‘pee’ is silent
no because it’s dead
213,541 notes (via -hewastheirfriend & ptrparker)
IM SO PISSED OFF THAT WE DONT HAVE BALLS ANY MORE
I WANT TO WEAR A HUGE DRESS AND BE COURTED AND DANCE AROUND AND HAVE MY GOWN SWEEP THE FLOOR AND BE ALL ELEGANT AND GRACEFUL WITH GLOVES AND SHIT
BUT NO WE HAVE DUMB HOUSE PARTIES WITH CHEAP BEER AND RED CUPS AND HORNY TEENAGE BOYS WHO PUT THEIR HANDS UP MY SHIRT
i thought you meant testicles
254,821 notes (via loving-you-is-bread & harroldstyle)
I’ve recently decided to freeze myself to -273℃. My friends think I’ll die, but I’ll be 0K.
73,539 notes (via giveherhellfromuspeeves & violinvirtuoso)
are you ever in the middle of saying something or showing someone something and you realize that literally no one cares
134,450 notes (via lestraade & supermoclel)
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